when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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