in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
