It's like God shit irony all over that family
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
