he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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