this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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