OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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