We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
