he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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