dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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