Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
