Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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