If that was your dad, he is hot
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
