I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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