he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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