tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
