I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
