they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
