I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
