I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
