I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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