you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
