I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
