I accidentally had phone sex last night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
