Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
