Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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