i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just had sex on a roof
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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