Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
