I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
