I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
