If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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