Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
