I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
