I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
