They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well I just put wine in my tea
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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