Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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