I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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