Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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