I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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