wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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