he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
