ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
