My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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