the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
