oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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