i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
