Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
