True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
