After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
