Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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