YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
