yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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