I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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