You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
