This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My sheets look like a crime scene.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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