your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
