Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
