The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
