someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
