oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
