am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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