Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
