I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
pop tarts are not kleenex
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
