New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
