He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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